The girls and I were invited to go to a baptism yesterday. I had never been to one before, for any religion, and wasn't really sure what to expect. I'm never sure what to expect out of religion period and I worry about offending. I was really worried about what I should wear. I wanted to look nice, but modest at the same time. I even contemplated taking out my nose ring, but since I often forget that it's even there, I left it in. I worried too about wearing my hat in the chapel. I took it off as soon as I realized that I still had it on. It turned out that I needn't have fretted. The girls and I sat in the last pew so I had a good view of what was going on amongst the spectators. A few minutes after we sat down, a woman and her kids came in and sat in a pew kiddy-corner from us. When she walked past us, I saw that she was wearing a long dark skirt with a long slit up the back, brown mules and a denim jacket. I was way over dressed compared to her. Then I noticed that she was chewing gum in the chapel. Chewing gum!! That kind of thing isn't allowed at school but it's OK in a church? I think I got things all wrong!
When the event got underway, our friend, Thom, got up and made a speech. I was trying so hard to pay attention, but I kept getting distracted by the other people. Children were crying, parents were talking to each other and shifting in their seats. One boy in front of us was lying on the pew with his feet up against the wall and nobody said anything. I made my kids sit as still as they could and I wouldn't even let them whisper to me. I told them that they had to be quiet and listen. I felt so bad for Thom and I wanted to stand up and say, "Someone is trying to speak! Can't you show some respect?" I felt sorry for him having to stand up in front of all those people and they weren't even paying attention.
Then, one by one, the children being baptized were called and their friends and family all went into the baptism room. It wasn't a spectacular room by any means. There were metal folding chairs for people to sit on and the baptism pool was just a plain little pool about the size of a dining room table and it was lined with light coloured tile. Nothing ornate or fancy. One thing that I thought was really interesting was that it was Thom who performed the baptism on Emma. It wasn't a bishop or other kind of leader. It was much more personal this way.
The actual dunking in the water part lasted about two minutes and then we all went back into the chapel to wait for the other children to take their turns.
After the last song and closing prayer the friends and families of the baptized children all went into separate rooms for the confirmations. The room we went into looked like a conference room. It had two tables set up in the shape of a T with chairs around it. Emma sat in one of the chairs with the bishop's representative and Thom standing beside her. Then there was a call to those who were worthy to stand in the circle. That's when I noticed that only the men stepped up to stand around the chair. Does that mean that the women aren't worthy? I thought that was odd and rather sexist. The men put their hands on her head and Thom proceeded to say a kind of prayer. It mostly sounded like what it meant to be baptized and his hopes for her. It lasted quite a while and I was pleased that afterwards, Terhi gave the ending prayer.
It was a very memorable event for me. I got to see more of the Mormon church and their traditions. With most of friends here in Boise being of that religion, it's important to me to see more into what their ceremonies are like. It was an interesting day.
7 comments:
Okay, where should I start ::rubbing her hands together::
First of all, it was very interesting to see the whole event through your eyes. We LDS people are so used to doing things the way they are done that we hardly ever stop and think how someone who's not of our religion might see and experience things.
First, the "dress code". We are supposed to wear "Sunday dress" to church as well as to other dhurch events (baptism, conferences, etc.) THis means that men were suits and ties and women were dresses or skirts (in other words, no pants allowed :-) ) "Sunday dress" means different things to different people. So many women these days don't wear skirts every day, so it's a big thing for them to wear a skirt or a dress to church on Sunday. You and me, we wear skirts in our every-day-lives, and thus we want to dress up a little more when we go to church. I have my "church skirts" and my "every-day skirts" to separate Sunday from other days.
There have been people wearing flip-flops to church and the bishop one time stood up and said that they are not proper shoes for church. So there are some guide-lines and limits, but as fas as I know it's up to every individual to decide what's appropriate for church and what's not. As long as the clothes are modest.
I have personally always wondered why people chew gum in church. I find it very disturbing when someone does it while giving a talk. But then again, I'm not that fond of gum-chewing in general. I wish people would stop doing it (at least in church).
I hear some churches separate kids and adults during their worship services. LDS church keeps the families together - which inevitably (sp?) leads to some noise and distraction. Even if some people are struggling to keep their little kids quiet and sitting still there are always people who actually listen to the talks. I don't know what the problem with the parents of the kid with his legs up the wall was. I would never allow my kids to do something like that. When our kids were young and couldn't sit still or quiet during the meeting we would take them out to the hallway.
Usually people with little kids try to sit more towards the back of the chapel so as not to be distraction to others. And you know, eventually when you take your kids to church for three hours every single Sunday they learn to sit still and quiet and you actually get to listen to the talks. I had to wonder about that three years ago, but now I know from my own experience. :-)
Our regular church buildings are pretty simple and plain. What comes to the baptismal font, yes, it's not exactly what you would expect. But why would it need to be fancier? After all, it's the ordinance that matters, not the walls or the floor. I was baptized in a lake.
If you want to see something really beatiful and fancy, you need to enter the temple. A temple is the House of the Lord and that's why we want to make them as beautiful as possible.
Both men and women can be worthy (worthy to be baptized, worthy to enter the temple, worthy to receive blessings, etc.) But only men can hold the priesthood. And that is why only men - worthy priesthood holders - were allowed to participate in the circle when Emma was given the Holy Ghost.
Many churches allow only men to be priests. Only during the last 10-15years has Lutheran church in Finland allowed women to become priests. So in a way it's not that weird or uncommon.
It doesn't mean that women in LDS church are not respected or valued. Just the opposite. Women just have different roles. Priesthood gives men many opportunities to serve others and that's mainly what it is all about.
I'm so glad you came to Emma's baptism and also that you wrote about it in your blog. I realize that there are many things about our church that might seem odd to someone who has never been to one of our meetings before. I hope I was able to explain some of the things to you (and I hope I didn't put you to sleep - this turned out to be a pretty long comment!). Feel free to ask questions if something makes you wonder or bothers you.
-Terhi
Sorry about the spelling mistakes. I didn't mean to say "men were suits and ties", but that they WEAR suits and ties. :-) The first version reminds me of one of Meg Ryans lines in "You've Got Mail". At one point she says to Joe Fox (Tom Hanks):"You are nothing but a suit."
-Terhi
Oh, and I forgot to point out that we don't know whether the women chewing gum or the boy with his legs up the wall were members of the church or someone just visiting like you. You took time to dress appropriately and you are the kind of person who makes sure that your kids behave themselves, but not everybody is that respectful or thoughtful.
-Terhi
Terhi - Thank you so much for your explanations. It has helped me to understand a little bit more of what I missed. I went in with certain expectations that I now know were more fanciful than they should have been. My experience of going to Notre Dame in Paris on Easter Sunday has clouded my judgments of church.
And the lady who was chewing gum - I was embarrassed by my terrible thoughts I had of her when I realized that she was there for Emma's baptism. I saw the two of you talking on the way to the font. But I figured that you two weren't too close because I thought I heard her call you Terri and she didn't come to your house for the reception afterwards.
Thanks for clearing up the Emma's circle for me. I must have misheard what Brother Lake had said. I knew that only men could be priests in the LDS church, and you're right, that is a pretty common practice in a lot of religions.
One thing more that you could clear up for me. Brother Lake kept saying that being baptized was an important choice for Emma to make, but she's only 8. Does she understand what that means? Maybe using Emma is a wrong example for my question. I know she takes her religion very seriously so for her this was a no-brainer. But do most 8 year olds understand it and what if they decided not to be baptized? Are they allowed to say no? Has anyone ever said no?
Thanks for inviting us to Emma's baptism. It was very interesting and it was nice to be included in such a big day for Emma.
Robyn,
LOVE this post. I laughed at your perspective of us. We can be strange can't we? I have a lot I could say too, but it's hard to choose what. I don't want to go on too much either.
First of all, I think it's awesome you came!!!
Second, the church is full of so many different people who all have different personalities and ideas of what's appropriate. Which for me I think is great! Also do you really want to go to a church that has to tell you EXACTLY how fancy to dress and not to chew gum, and how to sit in a pew and to tell you you need to shut your kids up? We do have a lot of guidelines and standards, but we shouldn't be told everything.
The priesthood. Really, it's like an assignment to serve. And they do serve. A lot. The women do too, but it's a different kind of service. We're more like friends watching out for each other, whereas the Priesthood is a duty with specific assignments. It's not like some position of "we're better than you" AT ALL!! If you want proof of that, you go to a strictly priesthood meeting and hear about all the ways they are asking the men to live and do better. Then you go to a stictly women meeting where they tell the women how wonderful they are and to just keep it up. And they mean it. That's my personal opinion of it though. Other women may see it differently than I.
Baptism at 8. Yeah it's a young age, but I think most 8 year olds are quite capable of "getting it". Some aren't and I've seen parents have those children wait till they were a little older and have a greater understanding of the decision.
Didn't you let Moira choose whether or not to be vegetarian at age 5? Not the same thing, but kind of similar in idea.
My kids wanted to be baptized way before they were 8, but they had to wait until that age.
Robyn, you rock. Hope you can still like all us quirky Mormons. We can be strange, but you sure are loved by us.
Robyn -
I think Amanda pretty much said what I was going to say about being baptized at the age of 8. Emma was definetely ready (and like Amanda's kids, she couldn't wait to get baptized) and knows what it means. We had talked about the baptism a lot at home and she had learned about it at church. So she knew what she was getting into.
In the Lutheran church babies are baptized - or chistened - at the age of 2 months! They definetely don't have any say in the matter! :-)
Yes, I kind of suspected that you might have expected to see something like the fancy cathedrals and churches that they always seem to show in movies (or that you visited in Europe). And that's totally understandable. Quite frankly I was a little surprised when I stepped into one of our church buildings for the first time twleve years ago. But then I soon understood that it's not the surroundings that matter. After all, we can hold a church meeting in an apartment, as long as the priesthood is present. In fact one of the wards in Helsinki meets in an apartment building!
But anyway, I'm glad you started asking questions and that we have been able to explain some of the things to you.
I appreciate you being such a good friend to this weird vegan mormon with an accent. :-)
-Terhi
Terhi - You are my favourite vegan Mormon with an accent!
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